If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
