Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
