I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
