Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
