Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
