brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
are you so shy because you have an std?
barbara walters just said penis...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
