Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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