I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
