You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
