i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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