Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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