Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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