I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
