Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
