I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize