i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
