I've blown a few things in my day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
