He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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