how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Randomize
