I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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