Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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