so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
