When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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