I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
