I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
