plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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