Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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