I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
