Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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