I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
