So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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