Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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