i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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