A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize