if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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