I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
