You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
