Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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