yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
