conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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