Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
