I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
