Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
