My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
