so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
