seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
