At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I seem to have left my pride at pride
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you win again, gameday.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
