Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
