I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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