This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
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