dude i'm inner monologue high
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
