Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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