Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
