By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
