I smell stomach acid.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
