Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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