His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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