Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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