every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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