My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
