You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
