im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
