i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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