ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
