More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
