While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize