Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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