I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You dont lie about slip and slides
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I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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