i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
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Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's shark week go big or go home
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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