you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
