What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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