So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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