First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
