I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Randomize
