we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
