In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
