Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
