Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize