he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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