just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
