the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
